Last night I climbed into bed just after 10.
Lewis had been awake all evening and just fallen asleep.
I was sure that he would sleep for a few hours and I was ready to get some sleep.
I read a few pages of my book and then quickly dosed off to sleep.
Only to be waken up at 11 by a hungry Lewis.
I was so angry. Not at Lewis. Just at the fact that I was not sleeping.
Ask Daniel. I was angry.
After feeding my hunk of love I laid him down and quietly hurried into bed.
As soon as I dosed off I heard Thomas at my bedside. With his pillow and blanket in hand I honestly don't know what he said, I could only muster up enough energy to tell him to climb into bed with us.
After him rolling around for an hour I finally picked him up and took him into his room.
As soon as I laid my head down I heard Thomas cry out. His blanket wasn't on just right. Then he needed a drink. Then he didn't know what he needed he just couldn't sleep and wasn't going to let me sleep either.
It was now 1 in the morning and I was climbing into bed for the fourth time.
Only to wake up to Lewis needing to eat at 2.
I sat in my bed feeding Lewis and my heart was full of anger. I couldn't believe that I was still awake and the worst part is that my night had just begun. It wasn't going to get any better. I knew that the rest of the night was going to be very similar. I also knew that tonight and tomorrow night and the night after were going to be similar which only made me more mad.
As I carried Lewis back to his crib my anger suddenly went went away and I had this overwhelming sense of LOVE.
A feeling of LOVE for being a mother to two sweet little boys that I do LOVE with all of my heart.
It is times like these when I am reminded why I do everything that I do for them. Times like these that I live for and make being a mother worth all of the sacrifices.
I LOVE them so much that I literally sacrifice all of my sleep for them.... but I can't promise that I won't get angry in the middle of the night (or afternoon).
5 comments:
So been there...last night Gemma woke up every hour tossing and turning and finally threw up at 6:00 am. After dropping her off in the tub and stomping to the laundry room with the pukey sheets in dis-belief of how badly the night had gone, I thought about how Gemma couldn't help it and then I lotioned her, wrapped her tight and we both feel asleep, thankful we had each other :)
way to make me cry sadie! how time does change things though, so just hang in there with the newborn stage it's almost past. which can be bitter sweet :)
I totally know how we get when we don't get our sleep, sometimes I cry, or am angry, or just delirious:) I wish I lived closer to you, I want to be there right now!! Love you, I hope you try to get some sleep!
I have definitely had several of these nights myself. I too get angry when my sleep gets interrupted. You are such a good example to me of a loving mother! Thanks for reminding me what's important
Wow reading this was a flash back to when Des was just tiny and new. I remember one night being full of so much anger as I sat there nursing him after a night of no sleep and dealing with his collic. Hang in there Sadie! You are such an amazing mom!
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