EMOTIONS

While our computer was out of commission our pictures were tucked away on a hard drive.  On the top shelf of our closet.  That meant a lot of the evidence of our memories,  all of our marriage and the boys lives, was tucked away on a hard drive.  On the top shelf of our closet.

We were so excited to take those memories down off of the shelf and dust them off.  We have spent hours as a family sitting around the computer watching video after video of little Thomas saying "infinity and bleeee-ond" and Lewis dancing and trying so very hard to do somersaults.  We laughed when Lewis would tackle Thomas and we smiled when Thomas would rub Lew's baby belly like a good big brother.  

With those dusted off memories so many emotions came back.  
GOOD and OVERWHELMING.

Good emotions.  I love being a mom.  I love being a mom to my two sweet boys.  They are hilarious.  We have a lot of funny memories together.  I love chubby baby hands and chubby baby bottoms.  White onsies are the best on babies.  Life was simple and Joyful.  How did my babies grow so fast?  Man we are lucky to have this kind of love in our lives.  

Overwhelming emotions.  Those were long days with nothing to break it up.  I worked really hard at enjoying the present. How did we do it sometimes.  I miss my babies.   When did my babies grow up?  How did the time go so fast?  Did I do enough?  Overwhelming.  

As I lay in bed thinking of all of the emotions.  Processing through the good and the overwhelming and trying to figure out how I can have both emotions at the same time?

I don't have the answers.  I am still trying to process it all.  But, the one conclusion I have come to is this.  Life is hard but LOVE makes it worth it.  Even when times seemed so overwhelming and tough I look back and MISS those days because of the sweet men I had to love.  Who I am lucky enough to still love.

Today....I am trying to not miss my babies from the past. (those curls and that belly get me every time)  BUT instead I am really truly loving and enjoying them now. (those cowboy hats and muscles kill me!) Who knows in a few years I will probably look back on these years and have all of the same feelings I do now.  

A BIG DAY

Dear Lewis.
Today you grew up and went to preschool for the first time.
WHAT?  I can't believe that you are old enough to do that.
You have been asking daily for four months when you get to go.
This morning when I said it was time, you said "No, not today mom.  I will go tomorrow."
You got a new hair cut for the big day.
You wore your special Christmas clothes.
We brushed your teeth and "made" your hair so it was slick.
You were extra excited about using your backpack.  We had to empty out some of the random toys that you like to carry around in it.  A truck.  A guy.  Your mail.  A book.  A stuffed animal pig.
We took a few pictures to document the day.  You think it is really funny to move right when I take the picture.  They are mostly blurry.
You gave brother a big hug and told him that you would miss him.
You were very timid and quiet when we first walked into the classroom.  You wouldn't let go of my hand and ducked your head anytime that someone talked to you.
We found your cubby.
We found a toy ball maze. (the same one you would play with last year when we would pick up brother)
You found some friends and a teachers hand that you could hold and you forgot about momma.
I watched you do a sink/float activity.  When they asked everyone to raise their hands you would raise both every single time.  So sweet.
I whispered in your ear that I needed to leave and would be right back to get you.  You said "ok, momma."  Then turned back to your activity without a second thought.

I am so proud of you.
I am excited for you to have something that is all your own.

The first thing you told me when I picked you up, was that you had donuts, M & M's, and a small thing for dinner.  I think they won your heart!  I hope that other snack times don't disappoint.
I am glad day one was a success.
I love you more everyday my three year old preschool boy!
xox- Momma

All things NEW

I have been sitting here for an hour reading old blogposts, eating guacamole with blue corn chips and trying to figure out how to get in the groove again.

It has been over a year since I have written on this lovely little blog of mine.  

We had some computer problems and I have genuinely missed keeping this up to date.  

Daniel surprised me with a new computer for Christmas and has asked me everyday since if I have written on the blog.  

I guess I will take the hint.

No better time to start than the New Year right?

2013 was a great year in the Packer household

Lewis. Lew.  Lewie.-  Spent his days playing with trains and dressing up as a superhero.  He can sit for hours playing with his "guys" and making fighting sounds.  This kid has a great imagination.  Just ask him about his dreams and you will see!  He potty trained!  He is ridiculously determined.  He loves wearing shorts and a t-shirt.  It is a fight to get him into anything else.  He usually ends up wearing them under his normal clothes. He had his 3rd birthday bash, but he will tell you that he turned 5.  We had a party with friends at the park and cookies.  A favorite of his!  He is hilarious.  Loves to joke and make people laugh.  He is sweet as pie unless you get him mad and then he will let you know.  He likes to dance.  Loves playing basketball and going to Bayhawk games.  Got a bike and a scooter in the summer and is a wild man on both.  He took swimming lessons this summer and loves the water.  He has a sweet tooth.  He loved flying on the airplanes to visit his friends Ty and Brady in Idaho.  If he is ever missing he will be found on our bed with the iPad watching a show.  He is very adventurous and brave.  When sledding he wanted to go alone.  When at the swimming pool he wanted to go down the big slides alone.  Playing in the snow he wants to jump off the deck alone.  Lewis changed this year from our little toddler to a full grown little boy!  

Thomas.  T-man.-  Finished up his first year of preschool.  He loved his teachers Ms. Amy and Ms.  Kelsey and was sad to leave his friends behind.  He spends most of his time drawing, coloring, playing legos and dressing up like a superhero.  He can be found wrestling his dad and brother in his bedroom and doing "tricks" around the house.  He very rarely sits still.  He asks question after question and none of the answers we give him seem to be enough.  He loves riding his bike and scooter during the summer time.  He turned 5 and had a movie night party with his friends. He also took swimming lessons and became quite the swimmer.  He is a little more timid at first until he gets comfortable and then he becomes very brave and adventurous.  He started fishing this year.  He didn't have much luck catching any fish just his own leg.  He loves climbing trees and hiding in them even more.  He surprised all of us by riding his first sheep at the Jackson Hole Rodeo this summer. Thanks Uncle Nick.  He fell in love with the break dancers at the Bayhawks games and came up with his own routine to perform at the ward talent show.  He did it flawlessly even with the stomach flu.  He is quite the helper around the house and has taken on many chores that he does all by himself.  He started Kindergarten and his teachers name is Mrs.  Becker.  He is very social at school and is one smart cookie.

Daniel.  Big Daddy.-  Has really loved his job and is really getting into the swing of things.  He has become quite the frequent flyer with his travels and enjoys all of the good food he gets to eat.  Not to mention he loves watching basketball in the hotel!   He is the boys number one fan and their number one role model.  They want to be just like him!  There is always a fight over who gets to sit by dad at the dinner table.  I often smell his cologne on the boys, see his watches on their wrists and Thomas has picked up the habit of tucking in his shirts, just so he can be like dad.  This year Daniel hiked table rock with his dad, brother and nephew.  He started running during his lunch breaks.  He is learning to love the snow and started to build a fort in the back yard with the boys.  He stays busy with work and scouting and wrestling the boys at home.  He does a great job keeping our cars cleaned on the weekends and makes mad chinese food for us every sunday after church.  He went to his first NFL game in Cleveland.  Go Browns.   He picked up many admirers when we caroled at the nursing home this Christmas while he serenaded us on his guitar and he stole the show at the ward talent show singing "I'm a believer."  Swoon worthy.

Sadie.  Momma.-  I stayed busy keeping up with all of the shenanigans of my 3 men.  I managed to break a washing machine and my dryer this year.  It must be the dirty clothes from all of the fun adventures we are having!  I started doing turbofire again and have enjoyed doing something for myself.  I ran my first 5k in 6 years and I finished under my goal time.  It was the snowflake 5k down on Presque Isle.  I have an exercise group with friends and love walking at Penn State during the summer time.  I was surprised by Daniel with my first massage on my birthday.  I love adventures and keep the boys busy all year round.  We took a weekend getaway to Pittsburgh in the spring and went to the Museum of Natural History.  The boys took me on a mothers day trip to see the church sites in Palmyra.  We visited the finger lakes and ate at a crepe cafe.  In the summer we loved going to the beach, the swimming pool and the park.  We loved going to the zoo this year and watching the monkeys for hours.  We took a trip to Idaho, Utah, Montana and Wyoming for 3 weeks and packed it full of everything fun.  It was the perfect trip full of love, food, family and great memories.  We came home exhausted in the best way possible.  I got all of us razor scooters for our birthdays.  Thats right.  ALL OF US.  I may have been having so much fun that I forgot how old I am getting and my knee still bares the scar.  It was a crazy year sending Thomas off to school and I can't believe how quiet our home is without him.  Actually I can believe it, I just don't like it.

We feel so blessed and happy to be sharing this life and these adventures with one another.  We have loved living in this beautiful part of the country and exploring so many fun things together.  We also realize that because we live so far away from so many family members and friends that they don't get to be a part of our lives and we don't love that.   We miss you all dearly and we hope that by starting this blog again that we can help stay connected with all of you that mean so much to us!

Happy Hauntings

In the pouring rain we went out trick or treating with the bravest of the brave.
The boys and I were lucky enough to have dinner at some friends house and then go trick or treating with them and some other friends.  The boys were troopers and took in the whole experience.  Thomas wanted to go a little bit faster than Lew, and since Lewis stopped to play in every rain puddle we didn't make it very far.  But, we had fun and got enough candy to make them happy and enough reses to make me happy. 
We came home emptied out their buckets to see their goods and then climbed into my warm bad and fell asleep to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. 

Storming Sandy

Remember I was secretly laughing the other day.  I now feel bad. 
This storm changed so many peoples lives.
The devastation is unbelievable and to many unimaginable. 
I caught a tiny glimpse of the life changing experience.
Daniel was gone for the week and it was just the boys and I home.
I went to the store Monday morning in the pouring rain and loaded up and necessary supplies.  water.  non- perishable food.  batteries for flashlights.  candles and oil for a lamp.  It was while we were getting gas for our car that I got nervous.  The lines were starting to get long and everyone that I saw had red gas cans that they were filling up.  Most likely for generators.  I didn't have red gas cans or a generator.  No one was rushing about in fear, just in awareness and in the spirit of being prepared.  I decided that I would channel that spirit I was seeing from my fellow gas users, and use it throughout the day to become prepared.
We were told we would get rains that would flood and high winds that could knock out the power.
That day we got settled and cleaned and organized.
That night I had the boys sleep in my bed with me.
We slept soundly except that little wiggling boys aren't fun to sleep with.
We awoke to an eerily calm and overcast day.
We still had power.
We still had all of our trees.
We had an unexpected visitor. 
After all of our preparing Thomas was devastated that he didn't even get to use his flashlights.  I was absolutely grateful and felt overwhelming relief.
I sat and watched the news Tuesday morning, I was curled up with my boys and a fuzzy warm blanket and from the comfort of my own home I saw damage and sadness that I could only partially appreciate.   I had only felt a tiny bit of anxiety the day before and knowing what that felt like to me and knowing that their anxiety and pain was multiplied by thousands broke my heart.   
We spent the rest of the day snuggling on the couch watching Madagascar 3 snuggling and laughing.  Two of my favorite things with two of my favorite people.

Annual Harvest Dinner

Life as always is busy.
We had one night available to have our annual Harvest dinner.
It was the Sunday before Halloween and unfortunately our lives caught up with us and dinner was rushed and not up to par. Lets just say that the scones were burnt to a crisp but, the frosting was still very good.
We did however carve our pumpkins and they turned out really well.  
Thomas and Lewis still don't like the insides.
We carved a face in one and stars in the other.
Then we sat around the table and told scary "appropriate" stories which turned into a haunted house.  It actually turned out pretty spooky and we might have terrified Lewis for life.  The next day he wouldn't let me go into my room and close the door and if we turned off any lights he would point at them to be turned on or grab his own chair and do it himself.  Poor little darling.
Thomas loved it though and still begs to play haunted house.
Even though our evening wasn't perfect and I didn't even get the chance to set the table let alone decorate, we had such a fun time together as a family.  Looking back on it now I realize that is more important anyway.  How many times am I going to have to be reminded of this truth?  That happiness comes without expectations or preconceived notions of what happiness is.  I am afraid I am just beginning to learn.  

Trunk-or-Treat

This year we had a ward dinner/chili cook off. 
The food and company was great.
The children got to parade around the gym and show off their costumes for a contest.
We trick or treated inside because of the pouring rain outside.
We stayed warm and got a lot of candy in a short amount of time.
It was perfect for us.  Plus aren't these the cutest army men and "army" monkey you've ever seen!?